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On I Want To Know What's Wrong With Being An Internet Troll

@Brian Calandra Sorry. Here's a clear statement of purpose: I mean what I write. If you find it disagreeable or loathsome or provocative, you should go ahead and conclude that I genuinely despise you (or the identity you've constructed for yourself out of your value system, at any rate), and that I want to destroy you and yours. Not that I don't also enjoy getting paid! Have a nice day. By which I mean: drop dead.

Posted on January 30, 2013 at 11:40 am 8

On New York City, November 15, 2012

Sorry! Your idiot weather reviewer forgot to point his cameraphone at the sky.

Posted on November 17, 2012 at 1:14 pm 0

On Clearance-Sale Holiday Foodstuffs, In Order

@Setec Astrology Kwong Wah Cake Co., on Grand between Mott and Elizabeth, had plenty earlier this week. Another bakery further east on Grand had boxes and boxes, with an extra discount if you left the box. When I lived in Flushing, the bakery right inside the Hong Kong Plaza was always good for remainders for a while.

Posted on October 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm 0

On Penis Rays, Self-Loathing and Psychic Voodoo: Autobiographical Cartoonists on Truth and Lies

@Zachary Herz@facebook Huh? An autobiographical essay about being bitten by a patient at a mental hospital doesn't "lead a reader to form misconceptions" when it turns out nothing of the sort ever happened? Bounce that one off an advocate for the mentally ill and see what you get.

And what is this marketing difference you see between Sedaris and Frey? Both of them wrote first-person fiction and sold it as autobiography. Just because one was all Anguished Sadface about it and the other was Quirky Funny doesn't make the proposition any different--"This happened to me," each said, and each one lied.

Posted on August 15, 2012 at 11:27 am 0

On New York City, August 13, 2012

Listicle Without Commentary: Selected Other Things I Am Not

1. Gustav Mahler
2. Dennis Rodman
3. a Saturn V rocket
4. Louis Pasteur
5. Nigella Lawson
6. Wrigley Field
7. Mikhail Gorbachev
8. clafoutis
9. a dandelion
10. Rob Reiner

Posted on August 15, 2012 at 11:17 am 1

On Penis Rays, Self-Loathing and Psychic Voodoo: Autobiographical Cartoonists on Truth and Lies

Seriously, all you Sedaris apologists, put a sock in it. He didn't lie about "his responsibilities (less dangerous than those he described)." He lied about whether or not his experiences on the job--that is, the entire subject of the essay--included GETTING BITTEN BY A CRAZY PERSON. How in the world is this "low-stakes"? It's the whole fucking stack of chips:

http://books.google.com/books?id=cLJZ_kaBhRwC&pg=PT51&lpg=PT51&dq=%22hesitated+just+long+enough+for+her+to+lurch+forward+and+sink+her+remaining+three+teeth%22&source=bl&ots=at0AUL96lH&sig=ojX5zZyfPUVIBAzxdHbbt90GPoQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=ts4qUJvBKOrs0gHr_IFo&ved=0CDcQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q=%22hesitated%20just%20long%20enough%20for%20her%20to%20lurch%20forward%20and%20sink%20her%20remaining%20three%20teeth%22&f=false

Posted on August 14, 2012 at 6:25 pm 0

On Are You Smarter Than a Legal Rockstar? Obamacare at the Supreme Court

Yeah, no, the rock stars weren't saying it was constitutional because they were wishful or dumb. They were considering a couple of centuries' worth of lawmaking and court decisions, under which the individual mandate easily fit the settled commerce-clause powers. If this case breaks the other way, it's all politics--or politics refracted through the personal vanity of Anthony Kennedy, who is perpetually unable to quite decide which cafeteria table is cooler to sit at. I'm guessing he'll join a 5-4 vote to strike the mandate, and then he'll be part of a 6-3 vote to uphold the regulatory provisions (which are useless without the mandate), with Roberts joining both majorities so as to flatter Kennedy on his open-minded judiciousness. A Solomonic decision, if King Solomon had actually cut the baby in half.

Posted on June 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm 4

On Birds, From Worst To Best

@jfruh No, the thing about swans is that they're the only creatures that can successfully beat up and drive away Canada geese. So you trade a few dozen monstrous, constantly defecating geese for a couple of swans, and as long as the swans don't KILL you, you come out ahead.

Posted on April 27, 2012 at 9:58 pm 1

On Finally, Again, Permanently, Stop Writing "Lede"

@Chuckell Hey, since you're interested in how stuff works: the blue words in a piece like this, if you click on them, will take you to the material under discussion. The whole point of which is that "lede" has no such reasonable/purposeful history.

Posted on September 19, 2011 at 2:32 pm 1

On The Magnetic Fields' "69 Love Songs," In Order

13. Tiny, King of the Jews

12. Ergot

11. Pavement Saw

10. Kitty Empire

9. Bombastic Intro

8. Precious Thing

7. The Model

6. Kasmir S. Pulaski Day

5. Fish Fry

4. Colombian Necktie

3. L Dopa

2. Bad Penny

1. The Power of Independent Trucking

Posted on April 14, 2011 at 1:03 pm 4