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On The Woodchipper, by Claude Vordell, Former Manager of the Applebee's in Bozeman, MT

OK - so shoulda proofed that before clicking POST.

Sorry.
No problem.

Posted on November 21, 2009 at 8:11 pm 0

On The Woodchipper, by Claude Vordell, Former Manager of the Applebee's in Bozeman, MT

Dear Claude - you, sir, are a jackass. No problem is a poorly expressed communication. It is appropriate in situations such as this:

Q: Is there a problem? Will the atomic reactor explode?
A: No problem. Everything is Okey-dokey.

By any stretch of the imagination, it is not an appropriate response to the phrase: "Thank You." It's almost as if there response "No Problem" is a misunderstanding by the person of the original statement.

"Thank you for for saving my life with the donation of your kidney."

You choose the answer which best communicates to the person giving the thank you, that you 1) heard what they said. 2) understand what they waid 3) are graciously accepting their thanks

Choice 1. "No problem."
Choice 2. "You're welcome."

Which builds a sense of connection and engages one-to-the-other in a social contract and which refutes the other and dismisses their feelings?

It's not about the server it's about the customer. The Customer said "Thank YOU." What will you do, dismiss their thoughtful verbal appreciation or dismiss it?

And all communication is not to be glossed over. Saying what you think, feel and mean - with tempered courtesy and thoughtful manner - is an important plank in a civil discourse.

So now...shall I retract my statement that the author is a jackass? After all he used that term for me - dismissed me before even considering what the bigger issues are involved. A jack-ass is a cross-breed, an animal that is good for one purpose and cannot re-produce. Sterile and disconnected from the bigger fabric and purposes belonging to all things truly living... Nope. He's a jack-ass.

Posted on November 21, 2009 at 8:08 pm 0

On How To Barbecue A Turkey--The Super Easy Way For Morons

You guys crack me up. I realize you are spoofing.

Seriously - grilling your turkey, on a gas or charcoal grill, is a good way to go. But all of your problems can be prevented by simply using an indirect heat method,(turn outside burners on low and leave the center burner off or some such arrangement, set the oven thermometer on the grate above the "off" burners and close the hood. Come back in 15 minutes and get a reading of the therm. Adjust and play with it until you get a sense of what's going on in the grill with the hood closed. The therm in the hood is a double check but sometimes can get outta whack.

Once you know the temp of your grill aka - outdoor cooking oven - cook to temp of the bird not time on the dial of a clock. Insert a quality accurate oven safe meat thermometer in the breast meat - so it's not touching the bone and manage the cook until it reaches over 165F degrees. Then monitor and watch for about 170F - 175F and remove. Let rest on kitchen counter and the desired temps are 175-180 in dark meat and 170F in the breast.

Uh - but the cedar is a poor idea - better to not use anything than cedar. Use a branch from the apple tree or branches of rosemary bush. heck, you can even use rose bush stems (just make sure no pesticides on them!) And no need to put wet wood on the fire - wet wood makes steam and that softens skin, ruining the crispness most folks enjoy. You aren't smoking the turkey you are just adding a nice flavor enhancement - so toss on a handful of dry chips either on the coals or in an envelope of foil placed above the burners when you first place the turkey in the cooker. And then repeat about once every 45 minutes or so, when you quickly check the temp of the bird.

And thanks to Ken for suggesting the Big Easy oil-less infrared turkey "fryer" - safe, cheaper and equal to crispiness and moistness of a fried turkey.

I write the newsletter and web log called Sizzle on the Grill www.sizzleonthegrill.com and we've got lot's of tips, tricks and recipe ideas for preparing turkey on the grill or outdoor cookers. CB

Posted on November 20, 2009 at 1:40 pm 0